There's light at the end of the tunnel. We kept hearing that and you know it's true. But I'm here at the end of the tunnel to say, "it's true." We're completely over the misery of Leda's early days. She's a healthy, strong-like-bull little girl who smiles at us constantly as if to say, "sorry about that guys, I got ahead of myself."
But let's also say "not forgotten" about our stay in the NICU at Loyola. We have to drive by it to get to our zoo and every time we pass, something unprintable gets said. I was going to politely say we have some unresolved issues...but then Kelly cut me off last night with a simple, "I hate them."
Worst of all, it wasn't even that our little girl was premature that frustrates us to this day. I suppose it's a blessing that her problems are behind us, we can move forward, and forget how difficult it was. When we get around to the part of the conversation, however, where it ends with "screw it," my heart sinks a bit realizing that at this very minute some other poor family is going through the same thing. We're over our torture, but feel for the moms and dads making that awful drive into the parking garage. That long walk up to the checkin window. Wondering what they're going to say about your baby today.
There are certainly some sick kids. Let's not go gentle here. It's also about the ones who will make it out of the NICU, home, and only after some reflection realize what they went through. (We just happened to understand how wrong it was WHILE it was going on.)
Having a preemie is never easy. But it could be easier. That's the lesson we took away from the whole situation. We're not bitter that our baby was sick. We're resentful that more wasn't done to ease our pain. Our daughter. Ours.
Maybe the majority of NICU families care less for comfort and support than they do putting the focus on their baby. I get that. But it doesn't excuse the rest of the experience. You don't get to make life tougher on families in the name of healing.
I'm sure plenty of NICU parents out there have glowing things to say about their NICU. Maybe even about our NICU. That wasn't us though. And the true healing doesn't begin until you admit that families aren't the ones with the burden there.
We can't put our fingers on just one thing. It was a whole package of facilities lack of consideration by staff but also just elements of care that never occurred to anyone. Nobody's fault, just inability to work outside their framework. If privacy for the moms to breastfeed isn't a concern, nobody would even think that dads may want a moment alone with their newborn.
I say again though, all this is water under the bridge except for the fact that others are going through it. Kelly was working on a couple of charity blankets last night to donate for NICU kids and it was hard to take ourselves back there and remember. Not a memory trip I'll be replaying often.
What you need to know if you're a NICU family with a bad experience that still doesn't sit well is that there are others here to talk if you need to. Vent. Talk about what you wish you'd seen. For us, I think some of our best moments as a family are when we drive by, swearing all the way...it's part of our story that needs to be told.
But let's also say "not forgotten" about our stay in the NICU at Loyola. We have to drive by it to get to our zoo and every time we pass, something unprintable gets said. I was going to politely say we have some unresolved issues...but then Kelly cut me off last night with a simple, "I hate them."
Worst of all, it wasn't even that our little girl was premature that frustrates us to this day. I suppose it's a blessing that her problems are behind us, we can move forward, and forget how difficult it was. When we get around to the part of the conversation, however, where it ends with "screw it," my heart sinks a bit realizing that at this very minute some other poor family is going through the same thing. We're over our torture, but feel for the moms and dads making that awful drive into the parking garage. That long walk up to the checkin window. Wondering what they're going to say about your baby today.
There are certainly some sick kids. Let's not go gentle here. It's also about the ones who will make it out of the NICU, home, and only after some reflection realize what they went through. (We just happened to understand how wrong it was WHILE it was going on.)
Having a preemie is never easy. But it could be easier. That's the lesson we took away from the whole situation. We're not bitter that our baby was sick. We're resentful that more wasn't done to ease our pain. Our daughter. Ours.
Maybe the majority of NICU families care less for comfort and support than they do putting the focus on their baby. I get that. But it doesn't excuse the rest of the experience. You don't get to make life tougher on families in the name of healing.
I'm sure plenty of NICU parents out there have glowing things to say about their NICU. Maybe even about our NICU. That wasn't us though. And the true healing doesn't begin until you admit that families aren't the ones with the burden there.
We can't put our fingers on just one thing. It was a whole package of facilities lack of consideration by staff but also just elements of care that never occurred to anyone. Nobody's fault, just inability to work outside their framework. If privacy for the moms to breastfeed isn't a concern, nobody would even think that dads may want a moment alone with their newborn.
I say again though, all this is water under the bridge except for the fact that others are going through it. Kelly was working on a couple of charity blankets last night to donate for NICU kids and it was hard to take ourselves back there and remember. Not a memory trip I'll be replaying often.
What you need to know if you're a NICU family with a bad experience that still doesn't sit well is that there are others here to talk if you need to. Vent. Talk about what you wish you'd seen. For us, I think some of our best moments as a family are when we drive by, swearing all the way...it's part of our story that needs to be told.