A couple of (female) friends of mine have recently posted questions about balancing work and family and the trend has taken off like a rocket with Anne-Marie Slaughters' "Why Women Still Can't Have It All" article burning up the internet with various responses.
Late to the game has been the men. Today's Dude, Get It Together over on Role Reboot offers an attempt to discuss the rise of dad-blogging, where men as caregivers fit, and why you don't hear more from the men on this topic.
Frankly, I'm here to give a big loud "get over it" to both sides. Life is full of choices. As I hinted at on this blog with the issue of Women In Science, my opinion comes down firmly on the side of personal freedom and individual responsibility with only a side dish of society/culture thrown in. If you or your daughter wants to be a scientist, have at it. I could be working at the museum right now. I'm not. I have chosen...key word there. Chosen to stay home with my kids.
It feels so "Greek tragedy" to be arguing for free will. But it's a beautiful thing more people should use. Nobody is making you play the cards you're dealt. Or even play the game at all. I think that's why it's hard to not hear something above a whine in the work/family balance debates. And the reason men are largely absent. If it bothers men, we do something about it. Is that a gender thing? Maybe.
As I told my friend, however, you know which way the wind blows. The cultural pressure to have clean floors is different from the internal pressure you feel to spend time with your kids. Do which one is more important to you.
Do I sound anti-feminist right now? On the contrary, I have been surrounded by strong women all my life and what's notable about them all is the way they don't need your permission. To work. To stay home. To run 26.2 miles.
I've held out responding while a fair number of people ask me what my "dad" opinion is. And my opinion is more notable for the fact that I don't really have one. Not in the way people are wondering. It never would occur to me to talk about work-life balance because that's not a gender or parent problem that's a life problem. If that makes sense.
What did you decide to be when you grow up? What kind of car do you drive? How many hours per week do you exercise or listen to music? Decisions are pretty much what make us human. I find the why can't men/women have it all question to be more closely related to explaining to my toddler that if he takes his sister's toy he has to give her one of his to play with in return. Nobody can have it all and if you believed that you could somehow work 40 hours per week, raise your kids, and still have time to be happy then you were mistaken. The point was empowerment and opportunity, not helping you avoid the basic problem that there only 24 hours in a day.
Now decide what it is you DO want and go for it. And if you want to see a society transformed by the power to give individuals freedom and opportunity, there is a certain burden that comes down directly on the shoulders of this generation to start living that reality. Don't get me wrong, we have a long way to go to make it easier...but the rules don't change themselves. They need people willing to stick their neck out, speak up, and be the change they seek.
Gandhi said that, by the way, not me.
Late to the game has been the men. Today's Dude, Get It Together over on Role Reboot offers an attempt to discuss the rise of dad-blogging, where men as caregivers fit, and why you don't hear more from the men on this topic.
Frankly, I'm here to give a big loud "get over it" to both sides. Life is full of choices. As I hinted at on this blog with the issue of Women In Science, my opinion comes down firmly on the side of personal freedom and individual responsibility with only a side dish of society/culture thrown in. If you or your daughter wants to be a scientist, have at it. I could be working at the museum right now. I'm not. I have chosen...key word there. Chosen to stay home with my kids.
It feels so "Greek tragedy" to be arguing for free will. But it's a beautiful thing more people should use. Nobody is making you play the cards you're dealt. Or even play the game at all. I think that's why it's hard to not hear something above a whine in the work/family balance debates. And the reason men are largely absent. If it bothers men, we do something about it. Is that a gender thing? Maybe.
As I told my friend, however, you know which way the wind blows. The cultural pressure to have clean floors is different from the internal pressure you feel to spend time with your kids. Do which one is more important to you.
Do I sound anti-feminist right now? On the contrary, I have been surrounded by strong women all my life and what's notable about them all is the way they don't need your permission. To work. To stay home. To run 26.2 miles.
I've held out responding while a fair number of people ask me what my "dad" opinion is. And my opinion is more notable for the fact that I don't really have one. Not in the way people are wondering. It never would occur to me to talk about work-life balance because that's not a gender or parent problem that's a life problem. If that makes sense.
What did you decide to be when you grow up? What kind of car do you drive? How many hours per week do you exercise or listen to music? Decisions are pretty much what make us human. I find the why can't men/women have it all question to be more closely related to explaining to my toddler that if he takes his sister's toy he has to give her one of his to play with in return. Nobody can have it all and if you believed that you could somehow work 40 hours per week, raise your kids, and still have time to be happy then you were mistaken. The point was empowerment and opportunity, not helping you avoid the basic problem that there only 24 hours in a day.
Now decide what it is you DO want and go for it. And if you want to see a society transformed by the power to give individuals freedom and opportunity, there is a certain burden that comes down directly on the shoulders of this generation to start living that reality. Don't get me wrong, we have a long way to go to make it easier...but the rules don't change themselves. They need people willing to stick their neck out, speak up, and be the change they seek.
Gandhi said that, by the way, not me.