My main pet peeve as a parent is rudeness. Rude children, yes. But mostly other parents. (I blame the tree, not the apple until they are old enough to know better.) I think it has something to do with raising the next generation, the rise of incivility in our society, and the attitude so many people have (and are passing on) that the entire world revolves around them and their sense of entitlement. I'm not even asking for "please" and "thank you" to make a roaring return. I just wish more people kept in mind that other people exist.
I won't even begin to address here the child-free. Yes, they have rights, too, Scott...but where they begin and end is for another time.
Let it be said, however, that in my family we make every effort to not bother others. Because one of the prime examples of the "bad parenting" attitude is the idea that you can carry on with life exactly as you did before children. You see this on 16 And Pregnant all the time. You see it when kids get dragged places children have no business being. When you chose to have a child, you made a decision to focus your life on that child. It's not about going out all the time, keeping up with your fine dining, your concert-going. Yes, parents need to get out of the house. Yes, we need to have other things in our life besides our children. But priority is the key. Nobody wants to tolerate your screaming child in a restaurant. We largely stay home and keep to family-friendly activities.
I'm careful where I park my stroller on the train. I'm careful where I choose to change a diaper. I try not to let my child run around bumping into others. I don't pull out snacks everywhere or anywhere. Especially not messy ones and I try to confine them to places like, oh say, the snack spot at the museum.
Then there the militant breastfeeders. The punk rock, hardore, "I can feed my baby anywhere, anytime" set who have little regard for others or what is appropriate. And I heard from all of them the other day on Twitter. Another dad and myself had a small back-and-forth about public breastfeeding and you would think I'd suggested breastfeeding be illegal or was trying to setup a police task force. Heaven forbid we have a rational discussion about social manners and consideration for those around you. Just as I was complaining that, yes, some moms are rude about breastfeeding...I got the predictably rude responses from the offended parties.
And before you think I'm attacking poor, defenseless moms here...firstly, most moms already take steps to find a quiet place to nurse. It's best for baby to be away from crowds, noise, and most moms are privacy-focused enough that they have a cover or would rather not be walked in on. So we're talking about a small, vocal group here who thinks any analysis of appropriate places/times to feed your children is trying to chip away at the rights of breastfeeding moms to feed their babies. It's not. In fact, I argue it's not really about breastfeeding at all. It's no different than not taking stinky McDonalds on an airplane or talking loudly on your cellphone in a movie theater.
For us, we try very hard to have a bottle ready should one of the kids need to eat while we're out. Ok, what if you're dead set against a bottle ever touching your child's lips? You're in the minority. But sure. Plan ahead. Know the location you're going and the time of day versus your baby's schedule. Not to mention that the "lactivist" attitude does little to encourage women to breastfeed longer.
According to the CDC, the number of infants who are breastfed is increasing...good news, right? It's up to around 70-80% for the first few weeks of life. By 6 months, that number drops to under 50% as women return to work. By 12 months that number is under 25%. For a variety of reasons. It's already difficult, uncomfortable, time-consuming, etc. for moms. And many feel guilty about dropping milk for formula. But our society isn't gearing towards moms toting around nursing children. Employers who do have rooms set aside for nursing moms require scheduling, picking up keys, or uncomfortable discussions with coworkers and supervisors about where you'll be several times a day. If you're stuck in an office without a lock on the door, it could lead to some embarrassing pumping situations. In short, the solution here isn't just more moms exposing the public at large. Women need support and encouragement and, frankly, well-behaved examples of how getting babies mom's milk get be discreetly integrated into the culture. Sorry, punk rock mamas.
Then there are the "ignorers." At the playground. At the children's museum yesterday. The parents who let their kids run off without supervising. They assume that being in a family-friendly place means they can go have a coffee break and tune out. Which leaves the hands-on parent in the awkward place of having to say things to your kids. Other people's children...who quite frankly I shouldn't have to deal with. Even some of the responsible ones who watch their children carefully seem to not grasp when to step in and when to let the kids play. Learning to share is a part of growing up so there's going to be a little toy stealing or a few turns taken out of order. But I draw the line at pushing, hitting. And again, sorry, but letting your kid hit someone else is A) asking for your kid to get belted back B) being a bad parent.
Lastly, I would counter all this by saying you can go too far the other way. Parents can be too strict. Kids do need some freedom. Some of growing up needs to be running around like wild things. One dad yesterday in the boys bathroom at the museum was going absolutely ballistic on his son about sitting down on the toilet seat before the dad could wipe it off. Ok, fair lesson. But not the end of the world.
Moderation, common sense, and a happy medium can be hard to attain. There is no test to see who is ready for parenting.
I won't even begin to address here the child-free. Yes, they have rights, too, Scott...but where they begin and end is for another time.
Let it be said, however, that in my family we make every effort to not bother others. Because one of the prime examples of the "bad parenting" attitude is the idea that you can carry on with life exactly as you did before children. You see this on 16 And Pregnant all the time. You see it when kids get dragged places children have no business being. When you chose to have a child, you made a decision to focus your life on that child. It's not about going out all the time, keeping up with your fine dining, your concert-going. Yes, parents need to get out of the house. Yes, we need to have other things in our life besides our children. But priority is the key. Nobody wants to tolerate your screaming child in a restaurant. We largely stay home and keep to family-friendly activities.
I'm careful where I park my stroller on the train. I'm careful where I choose to change a diaper. I try not to let my child run around bumping into others. I don't pull out snacks everywhere or anywhere. Especially not messy ones and I try to confine them to places like, oh say, the snack spot at the museum.
Then there the militant breastfeeders. The punk rock, hardore, "I can feed my baby anywhere, anytime" set who have little regard for others or what is appropriate. And I heard from all of them the other day on Twitter. Another dad and myself had a small back-and-forth about public breastfeeding and you would think I'd suggested breastfeeding be illegal or was trying to setup a police task force. Heaven forbid we have a rational discussion about social manners and consideration for those around you. Just as I was complaining that, yes, some moms are rude about breastfeeding...I got the predictably rude responses from the offended parties.
And before you think I'm attacking poor, defenseless moms here...firstly, most moms already take steps to find a quiet place to nurse. It's best for baby to be away from crowds, noise, and most moms are privacy-focused enough that they have a cover or would rather not be walked in on. So we're talking about a small, vocal group here who thinks any analysis of appropriate places/times to feed your children is trying to chip away at the rights of breastfeeding moms to feed their babies. It's not. In fact, I argue it's not really about breastfeeding at all. It's no different than not taking stinky McDonalds on an airplane or talking loudly on your cellphone in a movie theater.
For us, we try very hard to have a bottle ready should one of the kids need to eat while we're out. Ok, what if you're dead set against a bottle ever touching your child's lips? You're in the minority. But sure. Plan ahead. Know the location you're going and the time of day versus your baby's schedule. Not to mention that the "lactivist" attitude does little to encourage women to breastfeed longer.
According to the CDC, the number of infants who are breastfed is increasing...good news, right? It's up to around 70-80% for the first few weeks of life. By 6 months, that number drops to under 50% as women return to work. By 12 months that number is under 25%. For a variety of reasons. It's already difficult, uncomfortable, time-consuming, etc. for moms. And many feel guilty about dropping milk for formula. But our society isn't gearing towards moms toting around nursing children. Employers who do have rooms set aside for nursing moms require scheduling, picking up keys, or uncomfortable discussions with coworkers and supervisors about where you'll be several times a day. If you're stuck in an office without a lock on the door, it could lead to some embarrassing pumping situations. In short, the solution here isn't just more moms exposing the public at large. Women need support and encouragement and, frankly, well-behaved examples of how getting babies mom's milk get be discreetly integrated into the culture. Sorry, punk rock mamas.
Then there are the "ignorers." At the playground. At the children's museum yesterday. The parents who let their kids run off without supervising. They assume that being in a family-friendly place means they can go have a coffee break and tune out. Which leaves the hands-on parent in the awkward place of having to say things to your kids. Other people's children...who quite frankly I shouldn't have to deal with. Even some of the responsible ones who watch their children carefully seem to not grasp when to step in and when to let the kids play. Learning to share is a part of growing up so there's going to be a little toy stealing or a few turns taken out of order. But I draw the line at pushing, hitting. And again, sorry, but letting your kid hit someone else is A) asking for your kid to get belted back B) being a bad parent.
Lastly, I would counter all this by saying you can go too far the other way. Parents can be too strict. Kids do need some freedom. Some of growing up needs to be running around like wild things. One dad yesterday in the boys bathroom at the museum was going absolutely ballistic on his son about sitting down on the toilet seat before the dad could wipe it off. Ok, fair lesson. But not the end of the world.
Moderation, common sense, and a happy medium can be hard to attain. There is no test to see who is ready for parenting.